Today I realized that I am exactly where I was 20 years ago, realizing that I was so disconnected from my soul, that I needed to search for it. And, so began the journey to my soul, once again. As the sun is setting on this day, the silly trills of the red winged blackbirds have faded, and a gentle silence is setting in, I see that tomorrow is just the beginning. Again. I can do this.
If I can see tomorrow as a single day, and live it as such, I will have accomplished a great deal. I have only learned that I am normal, considering what I’ve been through, from reading the brave stories in the blogs of others with complex PTSD. We have much to teach the world about our world, which is so poorly understood by most professionals. Some children are not resilient. I’m one of them.
I’m told to tell my story. I want to. I have wanted to be that brave for a very long time. Twenty years ago, I began, but was betrayed during a hospital stay, with a family member reading my journals. I plan to get it out, finally, so that I can let it go. I am stripped of every sense of self, of control, of purpose. But, I will find it, again.